All right, we're almost wrapped up in here.
l'll see you tomorrow.
- Mr. Tannen. - Oh.
- Yes. - Hi.
Detective Dwight Garson, L.A.P.D.
l'm very sorry to be here right now,
but, you know, whenever there's an apparent suicide,
we're required to do an investigation
just to rule out homicide.
- Right. - lt's really just a formality.
Formality?
My mother just killed herself.
They haven't even taken her away yet. What's wrong with you?
Mini, honey, the man is just doing his job.
l don't care. Tell him to leave. This is outrageous.
- Could we do this some other time? - Of course, Mr. Tannen.
l appreciate that. Thank you.
But l will need to ask you
just a few simple questions before l leave, if that's okay.
- Okay. - l'm sorry, but did you hear him?
l believe he said you need to leave.
Mini, let's go to your room,
and you lie down for a little while, please. Come on.
So after dinner and the movie,
we came home at 11 :30 and found her in the garage,
and l... turned off the car,
and l opened the garage door
to let the fumes out.
So... your wife would have done this
sometime between 8:00 and 11 :33
when you made the 911 call?
- Yes. - So this was your wife's car?
Yes.
And...
was it in the garage when you went to dinner
or did she drive it in?
- ls that important? - Oh well, you know,
l'm just kind of trying to reconstruct what happened.
Well, when my wife came home from the mall,
we had the car towed here and we put it in the garage.
Well, if it's okay,
l'm gonna have them impound it,
and we'll take it down to the crime lab.
Take it down to the crime lab?
Yeah, again, you know, it's just purely routine.
Right.
Yeah...
so, uh...
have you... have you found a note yet?
You mean a suicide note?
Yeah, usually the deceased tend to leave one.
Uh no no, we haven't,
but we haven't been looking for one either.
Right.
Right...
Well, do you mind if l have a look around?
No no no.
Who cares if we didn't leave a note?
- Just relax! - He says--
So what? He'll do his little dance,
and chalk it up to another failed actress
who realized after 40 she might as well be dead.
Okay.
- Shit! - What?
l forgot about the sweatsuits and the goggles.
l already snuck out back and threw them
in Mike Rudell's garbage cans.
Good. Very good.
Just relax.
We did it.
We're free.
Before that, l was actually working in catering,
but l discovered l had this amazing talent
to read people's flower auras. lf l may just...
Venus flytrap.
You scared me.
Just keep 'em coming.
lt's a tragic tragic loss.
- Thank you so much. - ls this soy?
- You know, this could be tofurkey. - Not for me.
ls this tofurkey? lt could be okay.
- lt's good. - You're so delighted by small things.
Mm. Does anybody know how-- how is Mini doing?
l hear she's totally devastated.
- She's-- wh-- what? - Just look at her.
Martin, l mean, think of him. He's a single parent now.
He's going to need all the support he can get from family and friends.
Oh, it takes a village.
The wake was a riot.
With Mom out of the way, Martin suddenly became
prime target number one.
Would you excuse me?
She wasn't even cold yet,
and already her friends were realizing
whoever could dump their hubbies the fastest
could actually marry someone they'd want to sleep with.
- Martin? - Hi.
How are you holding up?
Well, the nights are the roughest.
l hope you know that despite our little disagreement,
Diane was like a sister to me.
l know.
And if you ever need someone to talk to,
or even just a hug...
l can be over in 10 minutes.
After the funeral,
l felt it would be a good idea if we took a vacation,
and went someplace where we can act like a real couple for the first time.
l could feel that Martin had let that whole thing with the cops go.
lt had been two weeks since Mom's death,
and already it felt like it happened a year ago.
Martin? Mini?
Hi. l thought that was you.
Mike, what are you doing here?
Uh, last week Mini mentioned
that you guys were gonna come down here for a little R and R,
and l suddenly realized that l hadn't taken a vacation
in God knows when. Jennifer, this is Martin Tannen,
my next-door neighbor and his daughter Mini.
And here's the kicker.
Jennifer works for the same escort service that l did.
l'm sorry, Jennifer, but have we met?
You look really familiar.
l don't think so.
No? Are you sure? Have we worked together?
That's impossible, because l just moved here from Canada--
the Yukon Territories.
l just wanted you both to know
how sorry l am for your loss.
Our loss?
He just lost six or seven freebies a year from Mom.
Look at him. He's a profile in courage.
lf there's anything that l can do
for either of you,
don't hesitate to ask.
Remember, l'm just-- l'm right across the fence.
Thanks, Mike.
We appreciate that.
Breakfast tomorrow-- frittata.
l'm sending over a frittata for you guys.
Don't be surprised. Okay, bye-bye.
Why did you tell him?
l was just being friendly, okay?
l didn't think he'd actually come.
He knows. He found the goggles and the clothes,
and he fuckin' knows.
l doubt he even knows where his trash cans are.
Relax, it was just a coincidence.
Coincidence or not, he saw us together.
Let's go, let's get in the car.
- lt was dark-- - Let's go to the airport.
- lt was dark outside. - No no no no no.
He was toying with us. You didn't see that,
the way that he was toying with us?
- No, l didn't. - No?
No.
What is he gonna do, huh?
Go home and tell everyone we're a couple?
We'll just laugh it off and say he vacations with hookers.
Okay, thank you.
Let's get in the car and let's go to the airport now.
- Come on. - Martin, come on.
Calm down, all right? Nothing is going to happen.
Let's just go inside and have another drink, okay?
- Aurelio? - S¨ª, se¨¾orita?
Hi, we're actually gonna stay,
so can you bring these bags in for us?
But of course.
No thank you.
The next few days were a real hoot.
Suddenly, Martin was acting like he really was my father.
We returned home and things didn't get much better.
What little sex we were having was getting dull.
l tried spicing things up with a little role-playing,
but l was becoming concerned that in my world of firsts,
l'd achieved my greatest first at too young an age.
- Hi. - Yes?
Minerva Tannen, Detective Garson.
l don't know if you remember me from that night.
Drogues. My last name is Drogues,
and yes, l remember you. You were the bighearted lug
who wanted your questions answered while my mother was still warm.
Again, l'm sorry about that night,
but it is policy that we get the preliminary facts
as soon as possible. Sorry.
- What do you want? - l need to ask you a few more questions
about your mother's death.
- All right, come in. - Thank you.
l know it's stupid as hell
to talk to a cop without a lawyer,
but l didn't want to look jumpy.
At my first real interrogation,
l could literally feel something tingle deep inside.
lt's a little early for the prom, isn't it?
A girl can dream, can't she?
lt's perfectly legal, sure.
So, anyway,
we got the preliminary coroner's report.
Although the pills rendered your mother unconscious,
she died from the carbon monoxide fumes from the exhaust.
ls that important?
Well, it's just a little unusual
for a suicide victim to use two methods.
Well, maybe she wanted to drift off before the fumes got her.
Yeah, l suppose you're right.
We also got the phone records
and there was a 911 call placed at 8:12.
lt was a hang up.
- Really? - Yeah.
Any idea why your mom might have called 911?
Okay, fine.
This may be the most exciting thing l've done in a while,
but even l know when the rush isn't worth the risk.
Listen, Detective, l think you should come back when my father's home.
He'll probably be upset that l let a stranger in the house.
Yeah, l think you're safe with me.
Even so, he won't be happy.
Not a problem.
So will he be back tonight?
- l'll give him a call. - Okay, thanks.
And you let him in?
lt would have looked worse to be defensive.
And when's he coming over?
Tonight.
Tonight? l've got a dinner with Chapman.
l've already canceled on him twice.
Damn it! Why didn't you call me?
l'm sorry. l didn't know you had plans.
All right, listen, l'll be home early
so we can get our story straight, okay?
Okay.
l really do appreciate you taking the time to help us out.
You know, there's just a few loose ends we need to tie up.
Absolutely. What would you like to know?
Well, there seems to be some question
as to the time of your wife's death.
You said that you went to dinner and a movie?
Detective, l don't mean to sound overly sensitive,
but do l need my attorney here?
Because these sound like the questions you would ask a suspect
in a homicide investigation.
Well, Mr. Tannen, l really just kinda wanna finish this up, you know?
l have real homicides that need my attention.
So how about this?
You know, l'll ask you some questions,
and the ones you don't want to answer,
well, we can just skip those.
Yeah, that sounds good, doesn't it, Dad?
Let's just get this over with.
Please go ahead.
All right. You said that after dinner you went to a movie?
- That's right. - Start time: 9:00.
- What'd you see? - We saw that Jackie Chan movie
where he tries to stop the terrorists from blowing up Mount Rushmore.
Running time: 115 minutes.
Yeah, a buddy of mine saw it.
He said that the ending was pretty crazy.
For God's sakes, does he think we wouldn't actually see it?
Yeah, they're sliding down Washington's nose,
and the guy's got the bomb strapped in.
Don't tell him. He hasn't seen it yet.
- Another demerit for me. - Aw, that's okay.
So, uh, where'd you see it?
- The Galleria. - Drive time: 17 minutes.
- And you got home when? - 11 :30.
Precisely, with 12 minutes of previews.
You didn't think we'd forget the previews?
Detective, if you don't have any further questions, it is a school night.
Oh right, yes. Sorry.
No, l think that about wraps it up for now. Thanks.
For now?
Detective, we're trying very hard
to put back the pieces of our lives.
and every time you come by, you dredge all this up again.
l've already told you everything that l know.
Sorry, l wish l could be more definitive-- l can't.
Well, l'm telling you that if you do come back with more questions,
l hope it's because you're charging us with something.
Us?
l can't believe l let you talk me into this.
l'm sure that was just routine stuff.
Honey, that was anything but routine, let me tell you.
Nice use of the word ''us,'' by the way.
lt slipped out, okay? l'm sorry.
You know, if l had a nickel for every time l heard that...
Okay.
Just chill out, all right?
l'm sure this will all blow over in a few days.
Chill out? Did you just tell me to chill out?
You realize they could go for the death penalty, don't you?
He was probably just trying to spook us.
They only try to spook you if they really think you did it.
Look, it was a great plan, okay?
No one can prove that we put those pills in her mouth because we didn't.
lf it's such a great plan, then why am l
canceling dinners with important clients to accommodate a detective
who doesn't believe that it was a suicide, huh?
lf you're so fucking smart!
See you later.
Where are you going?
Out.
A phone call would have been appreciated at some point.
l was worried about you.
Martin, l'm not sure you're aware,
but at this point you can't be my dad and my lover.
l'm not saying that as your dad.
Before your mother and l grew apart,
l would be worried when she was out late.
Well, l'm not her, so l can assure you
you won't find me drunk, passed out in some greaseball's fuckpad
with my panties around my ankles... unless l choose to.
What the hell has gotten into you?
l express some concern for you, and you threaten me?
Mini, when you're in a relationship,
it's okay to worry about someone.
Have you ever been in a relationship, Mini?
My God, you haven't, have you?
Congratulations,
you're my first.
Good morning.
- This just arrived for you. - Thank you.
Martin Tannen's office,
how may l help you?
Yes, everything has been resolved.
Thank you so much for calling.
- Lois. - Yes?
We have to reschedule the Chapman meeting.
l know, just tell them it's an unavoidable emergency.
Shit shit shit shit, fuck fuck!
Are you okay?
What do you mean you don't keep records of who the senders are?
When it's paid cash, we only keep records
on packages. not envelopes.
Excuse me.
- Yeah? - Mr. Tannen?
- Uh-huh. - l just spoke to Mr. Chapman.
- Uh-huh. - He-- he told me to tell you
that he is going to be seeking a new firm to handle his company's needs
and Mr. Mather and Mr. Boyd
have asked to see you when you return to the office.
Thank you, Lois.
What's up, guys?
Have a seat.
Do l want to have a seat?
We just got a call from Chapman.
Well, the old guy is a little unstable, we all know that.
''Unstable''?
He told us you canceled three meetings on him at the last minute.
Well, Jesus, my wife just committed suicide,
so please forgive me if l've been a little--
No one's saying this hasn't been a difficult time for you,
but whatever's been distracting you, Martin, started long before that.
- Chapman was a whale. - A whale that l brought in.
- And now you've lost. - A whale we couldn't afford to lose.
Clients come and go, we all know that.
lt's musical chairs, it always has been.
l mean, what is the big deal? l'll land another whale.
ln fact, Jerry Burgess from lBS just called me this morning.
He wants me to play 18 at the Riv.
l'll spot him three aside and push a four-footer on the last one.
He'll be ours by Friday. Come on, guys!
We've made our decision.
You've made your dec--
this is my company.
You came to me.
l was landing whales like Chapman
when you two jerk-offs were playing beer pong in your frat basement
and slipping roofies to the local high school girls!
l don't give a shit what decisions you've made!
This is my firm!
Look at that smug prick.
He is fucking with me and l will not be fucked with!
What are you gonna do?
l'm gonna go over there and tell him if he doesn't back off he's gonna get hurt.
Are you crazy? We're not even sure it's him.
For God's sakes, the pictures were sent
from a messenger agency right in his own building.
He was the only person at the resort who knew who we were.
Okay, but then he could go to the cops and tell them you threatened him.
Then they'd really start investigating us.
That son of a bitch cost me the firm
that took me 15 years to build!
15 years.
Well, if you go to his house and you start waving this around,
it's gonna cost you a lot more than that.
Martin didn't sleep at all that night.
and made damn well sure l didn't either.
- Minerva Drogues. - Hi, Mr. Rudell.
- Hi. Mike, please. - Mike, of course.
- Can l come in? - Come on, come on, please.
- Okay. - Come on.
Oh wow, l haven't been here since you redecorated.
Yeah, l just-- l just got all this finished.
l'm so sorry that your mother never got to see it.
l'm sure she'd approve.
Oh. Hey, if you don't mind my asking...
- how are you doing? - l'm all right.
- l mean it's been hard. - Yeah yeah yeah.
l guess l just keep telling myself that
she's probably much happier where she is now.
Oh... gosh. You know what? You're absolutely--
- Positive? - No, l was going to say...
correct.
Have you seen that show?
Have l seen that show?
Stop it! That's my favorite show,
- l love that show. - Don't don't.
l am not lying to you, that's my favorite show.
l love how you never know if the couples are going to stay together.
Guh. You know if you'd ever want to visit the set,
by the way, or spend the day or even be a contestant...
What do you mean, be a contestant?
Well, you know, those date's are totally harmless,
you spend the evening with a person, we prep you on what to say before the show,
- if that would be fun. - That would be so much fun for me,
l would love that.
- Really? Okay. Okay. - Really. lt could be fun.
- Well, then l'll arrange it. - You will?
lt's done. Umm...
- Anyway, have a seat. - Okay.
What's-- what's on your mind?
Tell me.
You know, l-- l know this might sound somewhat strange,
but have you seen any suspicious-looking people around my house lately?
No. Why? What's--
is everything okay? Do l have to bust some heads?
Not today.
- What's happening? - No, everything's fine.
lt's just that after my mom died someone sent
this really weird picture of me and Martin together.
- Together? - Well, it implied that--
l know this sounds crazy, but it implied that we were a couple.
A couple?
You and Martin? Hmm.
Hmm. Well...
certainly relations between older men and younger women
are, uh-- are an accepted part of society,
but that must be creepy, huh,
getting an anonymous picture? That is so disturbing.
- Yeah. Yeah, it was. - Hey, just out of curiosity,
what kind of picture could they have sent you
to indicate that you and Martin were a couple?
Well, it's not like l was naked or anything.
l mean, don't get me wrong, Martin has seen me naked.
He's my stepfather, so he's seen me naked...
- Of course. - ...but l wasn't naked in the pictures.
Okay, sing here, sin--
wow, you're full of chaos and anarchy
and-- and sheer-- sheer...
Golly, now listen to this.
Listen to this. Sing this.
l'm amazed the anticipation of pulling off
a mother-daughter double-dip
didn't give him a stroke right there.
Go ahead. Ready?
- That we want in college. - She's a ho, man. She's a ho.
- Mini. - Yes, Mr. Bishop?
l've got a note for you to go to the principal's office right away.
- Do you? - Aww.
- Hold this. l'll make it fast. - Mm-hmm. Always do.
- Detective Garson. - Hello.
- What's going on? - Mini, have a seat.
Mini, this tape was shot a week before your mother's death.
And the next day, the school nurse reported a bottle of Ritalin
missing from the medicine cabinet.
And we lifted two sets of prints--
one from the door, one from the inside of the medicine cabinet--
and neither one of them matches the nurse. Okay?
Mini...
is there something you'd like to say to Detective Garson?
Can we see the tape of Der F?hrer sucking down her afternoon fix of vodka?
Or do you guys not keep cameras in the bathroom stalls?
Don't you dare do that!
Don't you dare try to deflect this!
Stealing, if no one ever told you,
is a serious matter!
Stealing prescription drugs from a school is a very serious matter!
You got me, okay?
- But what was l supposed to do? - What does that mean?
- Well, she said if l didn't-- - Who s-- who, another student?
No, my mother. She made me steal them for her.
l didn't want to, but she said she was going to send me to boarding school
- in Canada if l didn't. - Canada?
The Yukon Territories.
Are you happy now?
Oh my Lord, l had no idea.
- She was-- - What? What, an addict?
Detective Garson knew.
My mommy's dead, okay? Can't we just let her be?
Detective Garson.
l assume there won't be any need
to press charges against Ms. Drogues?
Oh, hey, Mr. Tannen. l was actually just coming to see you.
Have you got a minute?
Detective, l thought l said no more questions without my lawyer.
Yeah, um, l think you'd better call him.
Yeah, so there's a small discrepancy
l couldn't quite figure it out, and l was hoping maybe you could explain it.
- l suppose l can try. - Okay.
Yeah, we got the final toxicology report
and your wife definitely didn't die from the pills.
She wasn't conscious past 9:30,
but it was the fumes that killed her.
Hallelujah.
- Thanks for the update. - Martin, Martin, easy.
- Come on, this is harassment here. - Just-- please.
Well, see, here's what l wanted to ask.
The gas tank in the Jag was almost completely full,
only about a gallon of fuel had been used.
And?
Well, if she was unconscious by 9:30,
that means that the car would've been running for at least two hours
by the time you found her,
and an unconscious person can't turn on a car, right?
Detective, with all due respect, could you get to the point?
That's the part where l get kind of confused, you see.
ln that model Jaguar, if you were to leave it idling for two hours,
it would burn at least four gallons of fuel.
You see?
So, it doesn't-- it doesn't really seem like there's any way
that the gas tank could be full
if it had been running for two hours.
Right?
So l guess, you know,
what l'm asking is, you know,
whose idea was to put her in the car?
Martin, Martin. Don't-- don't say anything.
Look, Mr. Tannen.
l know that you're the person that has the most to gain from your wife's death.
But l've also learned from talking to her friends
that she and Mini had a pretty strained relationship.
Uh, excuse me, what's your first name again?
- lt's Dwight. - Listen, Dwight.
Do l look like the kind of guy who's going to allow my client
to sit here and listen to these questions in these circumstances?
Don't insult my intelligence, Dwight.
- Just cut to the chase. - Okay, l'd just like for Mr. Tannen
to know that if he's trying to be a protective father
by covering up something Mini might have done,
l'd really think twice about it. l really would.
'Cause the D.A. in this case, he's viewing it, you know,
as kind of an opportunity to show the public
that the rich can't get away with murder in this town.
Does this mean that he's offering Mr. Tannen immunity
if he says he was protecting his daughter?
Yeah, that's a strong possibility.
but he also wants Mr. Tannen to know that if he doesn't do it,
he's going to go for the maximum sentence.
No manslaughter, no plea bargain.
Nothing.
lt was Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick.
Ms. Drogues, as your lawyer, l think--
Don't wet your pants. l know when to shut up.
And swallow.
Look. The fact that the marriage was unhappy
and that there was no prenup,
that gives all of the motive to Martin, okay?
- So you want me to say it was his idea? - Well, if it was his idea,
can you give me one good reason why you should take the fall?
So you're saying if l tell the jury it was his idea,
and l was scared for my life because he said he'd kill me
if l ever told anyone, that l walk?
Sst!
Sorry, sport, but l'll take my chances.
l never doubted for a moment you were gonna hold firm,
not for a second. l hope you know that.
- You know that? - Yeah.
Good.
You realize we're going to have to learn to rely on each other?
l have only one concern now.
What?
Rudell.
lf a jury finds out we're a couple, then we both have a motive.
And that changes everything.
Don't worry about him, baby. He's just jealous.
Even if he did send that picture,
what does it prove? Nothing.
Oh hey, come and watch. Come on, you're missing-- l'm on TV.
What? Why?
Hurry up, the commercial's almost over.
Welcome back to ''Absolutely Positive.''
Now it's time to hear how the date between Jason and Mini ended.
- Jason, you said... - You went on this--
Shh! Yeah, l thought it'd be a gas.
...to test your ability to resist temptation?
Um, well, since Becky and l have dated since high school,
and we decided to remain virgins until marriage,
l wanted to go on another date
with another girl just to-- to see how l would react,
you know, to see if there were any doubts
- about my decision. - Hmm.
So after dinner, what happened?
Um, well, she suggested this dance club that she knew.
l'm not really a good dancer, but l said yes.
- We never go dancing. - Mini, Jason a good dancer?
Well, he's a damn quick learner.
Not just at dancing.
Oh, you mean there was some other teacher-student stuff going on?
No, not really.
What about when we went back to your place?
- You what? - That's-- that's not true.
- Why are you doing this? - Why are you being so shy?
- Jason? - We turned on some music,
- we started kissing. - Shut up!
But, JJ, you said it was special.
You-- you slept with her?!
- No. No! - To say the least.
- You slept with him? - God, Martin, it was a one-time thing.
Put it this way: You're in for a wild ride from this bronco.
He was a virgin, how could l say no?
lt won't happen again, okay? l promise. He was just a goof.
Yeah, JJ, tell us more!
Rudell. He let you go on there?
Yeah, l thought it'd be fun.
l mean, l wasn't really supposed to, you know,
go all the way with him, but...
l can't believe you.
That couple, you've ruined their relationship.
The show is called ''Absolutely Positive'' for a reason.
Clearly the only thing Jason was positive about
was, uh-- yeah.
You really are a sick little twist, you know that?
Well, what does that make you?
l need some air.
By the way, some intern from your office
stopped by earlier today with something.
lt's on the bar.
What is it?
l think it's time l had a little chat with our neighbor.
No, this is exactly what he wants.
What if he's working with Garson?
Then he can't blackmail me. l want you to wait here.
- l'll be right back in a minute. - Let me go with you.
- l said wait here. - Let me just talk to him, okay?
- He promised me he wouldn't hurt us. - Oh, he did?
- When? - A few days ago.
- You saw him? - Yeah,
l went to try to find out what he knew. l spent the afternoon with him.
You spent the afternoon with him?
l was doing it for us.
l figured he wouldn't turn us in if--
lf you what?!
lf l made him think l was interested.
- Please tell me that you didn't. - No.
No.
l just made him think that l would, so that he wouldn't turn us in.
Thank you.
l appreciate your restraint.
You ungrateful son of a bitch.
l'd think you'd be a little more appreciative. l was doing it for us.
For us? And who were you doing it for
when you were doing it with the kid on that show?!
Who was that selfless act for?!
Oh, like you're such a martyr for being faithful.
lt shows amazing restraint to limit yourself to just one stepdaughter.
Don't lecture me about infidelity.
Your mother was cheating on me within six months
of the ''l do's.''
- lf you'll excuse me-- - Okay, look. l'm sorry.
- Let go of me. - You're making a mistake,
- trust me. - l said let go of me.
You're hurting me.
Now you wait here until l get back. Do you understand?
Say ''Yes, Martin.''
Yes, Martin.
Martin. What a surprise.
- How are you? - l just saw Mini on your show.
Oh, was-- was tonight the night?
You know, l auditioned lots of girls,
and she was, uh, fucking incredible.
Uh-huh. A real natural, huh?
Yeah, like a duck takes to water.
Totally...
willing to take direction.
l wish all the girls l worked with had her, uh--
how can l put this?
- --need to please. - Oh.
Hi, l need the police sent right away
to 25051 Mira Loma Lane.
No!
You motherfucker!
Ow ow ow ow!
Where are they, huh?
What are you talking about?
Don't fuck with me-- the negatives, where are they?
What?
How do you like that, you son of a bitch, huh?
You thought you could have my wife,
then my daughter?
Well, l'm sorry, pal.
She's mine.
Okay, you listen to me, you son of a bitch,
you give me those negatives or, so help me God,
l'm gonna crack your head open!
Let him go!
- Go get the negatives. - No, this is insane!
- Stop! No stop! - l need those negatives.
You're gonna kill him! Stop!
What the hell is wrong with you? He's gonna tell everybody!
Freeze! Sheriff's Department!
- Drop the club! - He's crazy. l told him to stop.
l told him.
With Rudell having slipped into a coma after the fight,
and Garson uncovering my mom's affair with him,
suddenly that gas-gauge theory went from circumstantial to airtight.
Martin realized trying to pin anything on me
would probably get him the chair.
At his sentencing, l begged for leniency.
- Hey! - Hey.
- l'm sorry l'm late. - lt's okay.
l forgot to bring that book you wanted.
lt's all right. You can mail it to me.
Are you okay? Have you showered since you've been in here?
Uh-huh.
You know, in here you gotta be careful when you--
so how's school?
Oh my God, you'll never guess what happened.
- What happened? - As many of you know,
the past few months of my life have been very difficult.
l don't know how l would've gotten through it without all of you.
l really think it's a testament to the love in this institution
that l stand before you today
as the first straight-C student in school history
to be voted valedictorian.
- But don't you have to be-- - The best student? l know.
But the students voted and they said they wanted me to have it
for... ''demonstrating remarkable courage
in the face of unspeakable loss.''
Huh.
Wow, l wonder how the real valedictorian must feel about that.
Again to Marvin Tepperman,
the real valedictorian,
he deserved this and l want to wish him a speedy recovery.
l spoke to his doctors today
and they say with medication and therapy,
Marvin should be able to attend Harvard this fall.
Did Rudell come out of his coma yet?
l don't know. Why?
Why? Because if he recovers,
he could blackmail you with those pictures.
l wouldn't worry about that.
Yeah, but if the DA got those pictures, he could--
l'm pretty sure he won't be doing anything with them.
l have met some people in here who can help us with him
if it comes down to that.
- Help us? - Well, they know people on the outside
that we could pay to stop him from taking advantage of you.
Oh, that's so romantic!
lt's like you're a real-life criminal with connections and everything,
but l'm a little surprised you haven't figured it out yet.
Figured what out?
Rudell didn't send those pictures.
- You remember Aurelio? - Aurelio?
- Our cabana boy from Mexico. - Uh-huh.
Yeah, what a sweetie.
l thought l might have to fuck him,
but just giving him the camera was enough.
You mean that you...
While l may not have excelled in the classroom,
l think that my recent experiences
in that bigger schoolhouse we call life
has taught me a few lessons that l'd like to share with my fellow graduates.
Martin, it was pretty clear Garson wasn't gonna give up,
and sooner or later he'd find enough to charge us.
lt just seemed ridiculous that we'd both end up suffering.
How could you do this to me?!
Follow your heart and don't question it
no matter where it tells you to go.
Come on, you would have done it if you'd thought of it first.
Why the fuck did you do this to me?!
Trust me, it'll open up a world of new experiences you can't even imagine.
Hey, listen, since conjugal visits are
pretty much out of the question,
l was thinking maybe we could try a little prison phone sex.
You know, l might even be able to pop one out right here
without anyone seeing. Are you ready?
- Guard! - Are you sure?
l won't be able to come back for a few weeks.
Don't forget your family, your parents.
- Wait, have you met someone in here? - Guard!
Don't forget they're people too,
and while you may not always agree with them...
Why, you old dog! l knew you wouldn't be single in here for long.
...remember to love them when they need love.
Guard, she did it! She just admitted it!
And l mean really love them.
Don't just pay them lip service.
lt was her idea! lt was your fucking idea!
- Really do it whenever you can. - Don't let her leave!
She's guilty! Get the warden! What the fuck are you--
- l know l did. - You little fuckin' whore!
l'm gonna kill you, you little fuckin' bitch!
Get down!
And l just wish that my dad could be here today,
so that after this speech, l could walk into the audience
and give him my love right here in front of all of you.
Come here! Motherfucking--
Thank you and good luck.
Hmm, persistent, isn't he?
The truth is l wouldn't mind being cuffed by him,
and he would be my first detective.
Like l promised-- with desire,
focus and the willingness to treat any obstacle as an opportunity,
it's amazing what you can accomplish.
And in case you're feeling guilty
about having no one to identify with but me, relax.
There's a first time for everything.